Talking Tears?

My life seems to have turned into ever changing circumstances and situations resulting in a myriad of emotions, some with names and others which have not been comprehended yet alone identified. Those with names are easy, and I use the word 'easy' rather loosely here. I at least know what they are and where they are coming from. I talk to friends and they comfort the best that they can. But when the sun goes down this battle is mine alone to fight. I am the only one in my head. I talk to God and tell Him the truth with a vocabulary that I have pulled together from every corner of my brain just to try to get it out right. But I don't do much justice. That is when the "unnamed" feelings blow in, often on the wings of tears. Tears that flow quite freely - without much warning or explanation and leave no scars. It is during those times that like Jericho all my walls come crashing down. No facades, no masks, just purity and sincerity. In other words, for this, there are just no words.
I enter in. I enter a place where God with all His wisdom and glory and love grant my tears a voice. He allows them to talk, to say the things that I am unable to articulate either out of insecurity or inability. He meets me here, as this is as far as my desires and abilities let me. He interprets every drop in all its significance and magnitude - and as they roll down my chubby cheek onto my double chin, He knows, He feels, He gets it.
Once the agenda is complete having said and done all that they were sent for, my tears’ voice turn into a whisper till they are barely heard. I am emptied of these emotions as transformed ones are released from within as if on the wings of a new butterfly - fragile, gentle and beautiful.
Until recently I never thought about what happened if anything to all my tears. I figured they talked and dried on my face and that was that. In talking to a therapist friend not too long ago and I expressed how difficult it is for me to stay full on the inside - to feel whole. I told her that I prayed and talked to myself and listened to inspirational speakers and encouraging music and spent most of my free time building myself up. Whilst I understand that all this is necessary for me to be strengthened and get my life back together again I find it frustrating to wake up every morning only to find that I again feel empty and have to go through the process all over again. Will this never end? Will I not feel whole for an extended period of time? This is becoming exhausting to say the least. I mean I have family, wonderful family and great friends. I have loving, funny and energetic healthy kids who just adore me. What the hell is wrong with me?!
My friend explained to me that for almost half of my life I was with my husband and this is a bigger deal than I realize. She said that it takes people years to feel whole and get their lives in order again after a divorce. She pointed out that I was doing the right things. The key was to do them consistently and then eventually I would begin to see lasting results. Whilst I was grateful for her and the freebie advice I was annoyed to say the least. Years, I have to go through this for years? You have to be kidding me??!! No way! God, no way! I need a miracle and I know You still do those and need one now, please! I told her that I felt like empty bucket and that what I was doing felt like a drop in it. To add insult to injury on most days I felt like my bucket had a whole in it…... dear Liza, dear Liza!
Then I realized that all my tears were falling into the bucket and out through the hole… damn!